WARNING: A VERY LONG POST!!
I surely don't know what to put as the title.So, a plain hi is sufficient i bet..=)
I just finished watched a movie i've taken from K.Lina which she took from Izzan. Izzan dloaded it from UMP, her uni. I'm not here to talk about the movie but that movie made me blog at this time. A kind of feeling I,myself can't describe with words.Sorry, but somehow the movie which is called 'Dear John' kinda told me that "You have lots to tell in the blog and you hv to remind yourself for future'. Currently, my mood is sentimental.
I feel like it has been months since my last post. Well, to say 'I've been busy' is very cliche but sincerely i was, right after the last week of practicum i'm totally free from any kind of assignments.
Practicum
The last week of practicum was sort of hard for my students. Most of them told me to stay and most of them showed a sad face to me. The last day, 2A12 bought me a cake. Initially, they have the difficulty to be united as a class because of racial issues and they rarely mix around out of their own race . But when i see that cake and they told me that majority of the pupils in that class contributed to buy the cake, they made me feel so happy. I think I did accomplish something which was bringing them together. I don't want to brag but i think i did made progress in each and every of the students. For example, there was a boy which was slightly retarded. He will ignore every teacher he saw that passed by him but when i passed by him. He would look, it showed me that he liked me. I said some strong words of advice during the final class. Some girls cried when i told them it was their last class with me. I couldn't cry. Maybe it's because that I've told myself not to show it in front of my students. I just felt numb. Totally. I didn't know what to feel. Good bye SMKIH but as for my students, see you later ..We will surely meet again with GOD's will.=) As i said in my recent post, the experiences that I've gained are treasure for my future upbringing. Thank you students of SMKIH.
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D....
I said some harsh words to him once. He said he was offended with my words. I apologised and we're ok after tht. (but not entirely i guess). No idea why i have that sort of perception but i am a person that uses my inner instincts in almost everything i do. So, i can sense when a person ignores me intentionally or unintentionally. Dear D, I tried very hard to get our outing a reality. I don't want to complain but it's like...I think i've been trying so hard to make you like me. I really don't know what do you think of me. You do show me as if you like me but do you? Do you miss me like I miss you? Do you know I cried because of you without you knowing or realising it? Do you remember me at some point of a day like i remember you? I miss you dearly, D.
It's been awhile since we contacted each other. People say if you really like someone and that someone likes you too, you will miss that person because that someone is thinking of you too. I don't know how far it is true but i think i experienced it more then once i guess. The most obvious evident was when i randomly text and told him that i missed him and he said he missed me too. I sort of felt the heavy feeling inside of my heart. As if he was missing me and he did.
My friend told me to ask D whether I should wait for him or not. I said i rather not. I don't know....what shall happen after that.....
For now...i just leave it be. It's been quiet lately. I miss all the chats, the msgs and the calls.
I think i should put a stop to this. I'm just ruining myself. Well, to be frank i need to be true to myself. It's been all me when outing was concerned. D won't bother about me, it's ok for him if he didn't see me for ages i guess. He doesn't want me and I just got to.....................*sigh*
*wiping tears over cheeks*
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Recent experience
It's been 3 weeks and going into 4 weeks that I am jobless. Basically, i don't have money and i'm broke. I have tried sending in resumes via online but the only interview appointment that i received was to be a retail exec in a pharmacy. I have to tell you that that tiny little pharmacy was owned by a very big ego Chinese man. It's a first time for me when interviews come into topic. This guy was so full of ego that he totally provoked me when he interviewed me. I really have to laugh when i remember him. At first i was felt irritated because he belittle me and he sees 'teaching' or being a teacher is a simple matter. (this guy surely has no experience when teaching is concern). He said he too can teach because he compared him teaching his workers or staff to me who is teaching the whole handful of form 2 students.
I really felt like cursing in front of him but I know I had done something very humongous that I,myself could not imagined that i could but in the end, I hv accomplished it.I really gotta say..teaching Form 2 students seems easy but dear pharmacist, you oughta' think first before you simply say it's the same as teaching you're so called staff.
Why do i say so? It's because students in Form 2 and also the last classes have very3 low attention span and the only way to get their attention is through various coloured materials such as manila card or the LCD projector or even using music and you have to SELF-CREATE your own materials because there aren't any materials that would suit your teaching AND you have to follow the syllabus provided by the gov. Let me ask you, is it the same as the pharmacist's staffs who are adults?No. Do adults have short attention span?NO! Do the pharmacist need to prepare multiple materials for his staff to pay attention?NO!Why? It's because they have to listen, they are adults, they have longer attention span and they HAVE to listen or their job will be on the line. GET IT,pharmacist? (FYI,I'm just talking about this 1 pharmacist ok? I don't have issues with any other pharmacist nor i hate pharmacists...Just gotta get that one clear..huhu)
So, the point here is that before you belittle a person. Think of yourself 1st. Are you perfect enough that you can simply say of others negativity, disability or imperfectness?
Frankly speaking, I am pissed with this over sized ego pharmacy owner BUT when i thought of it, i think i should thank GOD for letting me know that this sort of person too exist in this planet.hhahahahhahahahha... GOD wants me to be careful. I love you GOD~!=)
I didn't get the job of course but i didn't care. Sincerely, I was just playing around .=P so i didn't care if i didn't get the job or was rejected. I was just pissed that someone looked down on me and TEACHING IS NOT EASY>>>>FOR THOSE WHO SAY THAT IT IS>>>>I CHALLENGE YOU TO BE A TEACHER IN SMKIH FOR 3 MONTHS....let's just see how you would sigh or 'die'..hahahhah...but for me i came out 'alive' and they (students) LOVE me ...YES,let me repeat....LOVE me!~~
AS for that Pharmacist, in any way Good luck in you're 'teaching' and your biz. Hope you won't repeat the same thing you did to me to another person because you don't want to end up with a beautiful mixture of colour of blue and black on your face.=P
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Life
I've been lazy at home. Boo hoo~! Yea, i know. I should be looking for jobs but without a degree it's hard to get a job. I can do temporary teaching as a GSTT 'Guru Sandaran Tidak Terlatih' in some schools but which school is not yet confirmed. I have to register at PPD, Pejabat Pendidikan Daerah and wait. I haven't register tho'...Another job might be coming . I can't say yet. SOrry~!=) I'll get my degree real soon. Don't worry. According to schedule, it will be in Oct most probably.=)
It's 6.08am when i'm typing this. My relationship with Mas and Izzan is getting along fine now but i'm still putting some distance so that i won't get hurt anymore. Selfish,huh? I think I have to be from now own. My relationship with that 'Ungrateful people' is not really fine. I've been ignoring them. I have no intention to be in good conditions with them at this moment though...Let's just see how it goes.
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Future.....I want to give my parents the live they should be experiencing in their golden years. When will that be? I hope....soon!
Dear GOD, may I always remember you in every step of the way and may i never fall and give up,may my parents live a great life far from dreadful problems. May my family be ONE eventho' i will take time to be it. I trust you and i love you most. I trust and i know that everything will be alright. Syukur Ya Rasulullah!~=)
