oNE freaking long post!BEWARE!

HI!If you’re reading this thn that means I’ve posted this to Blogspot.I can’t post this to Blogspot cause the internet connection is really slow and I’m using my old PC to blog my so-called life.heh!Now, I’m typing this in Microsoft word. *(^__^)*

My holidays have been all ordinary.Hvn’t been to any where or doing any fun stuff.YET!
I feel that I need to rant about some ppl (or should I say person) and my laptop.

My laptop has this disease of vibrating. It’s not the laptop that vibrates (it’s not a freaking hp dude or gal!it’s a laptop for GOD sake)but the pictures shown through the screen that vibrates. So, as to any ordinary ppl ,I sent it to the respective shop where I bought it.Thank you GOD for the creation of WARRANTY CARD.*hOOray!*

I don’t hv to pay a cent but the bad news is that I have to wait for a month to get it back.Yea,tell me about it…*sigh*..

The best part about this pathetic story was that the technician who took in my laptop knew what disease that my laptop got itself into without having me to tell him.Pffft!What a shit ass f**ked up place is that??

You guys get it?Yes?NO?Alright to ppl who didn’t get the logic *cough* slow brain *cough* …I’ll explain the story again …So I sent my laptop in right?and I gave it to the technician and he told me what happened to my laptop instead of me telling him .How did he knew?I didn’t even explained in detail.There must have been other ppl who bought the same laptop brand as mine and they too had the same problem as I did.If not,how would that snobbish lookin’ teachnician knew?You gettin’ where I’m goin’ here?I don’t think I will buy that brand no more.Somehow I find that brand suck big time!

Ok to cut the story short ,I have no choice but to wait for a month for a phone call.*sigh*Why no choice u ask me?The warranty only last for a year.If I wait any longer it might overdue.Why didn’t I sent it earlier?I was in my freaking busy sick ass semester recently,how the hell am I supposed to sent in the laptop??I need it to do all my freaking assignments.I need it soon and now too but I can still handle it.Thank GOD I hv this old PC .Phew!I LOVE YOU OLD PC!

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Enough on my lappy!Now on someone…Should I talk about him?HMM…still doubting on this.It’s not D.It’s that UNGRATEFUL person.AH~!NO need la..I wrote about them in my previous posts and it made me sick when I read it again.Urgh!!It’s not even 10 posts,it’s only 2 and it got me sick like puking kinda sick.DAMN!

Ok.skip this topic…

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I think I’m getting the hang on forgetting D.It’s been awhile that we didn’t contact each other.Just the comments on FB that made us interact between one another.This is the most minimum interaction I managed to give now.Thank GOD I am not so into him.(or maybe I was..hmm?)Well,I think I can do this.YES I CAN!!


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You know what?I don’t know if this feeling is true or not but I feel like eyes are watching my footsteps .It’s not that someone is stalking me but it’s just that I have this instinct in me that I feel sometimes guys are looking at me.(I hope I don’t make the fool outta myself but thn who cares..hahhaa).I don’t know..I just felt it that way. Frankly,I don’t feel so great at all instead I feel funny and I laugh at these ppl.Want to know why?*grinning*

It’s because I have nvr attracted guys’ eyes before.I am 1 big chick and I am fat.I admit it.I have to admit that I did dreamt on being beautiful and get ppl to like me.Previously,I refused to see that I am beautiful.(you might say ‘please bi**h ,stop praising yourself…’HEY!READ 1ST THN JUDGE OK?I always talk with reasons.So,don’t mess with me!).I was blind.Everyone has their own beauty.It’s where the beauty holds within that ppl don’t see in you.That’s why human take things for granted easily.They overlook the things that are infront of them.Never will they be satisfied with what GOD has given to them.I know I am NOT GOD but I am learning to take this as a lesson in my life.I WILL NOT TAKE ANYTHING OR ANYONE IN MY LIFE FOR GRANTED.I won’t and I refuse too.

And so I said that guys looked at me ,I feel like guys are noticing my inner beauty that I’m starting to portray through my looks.The sad part about it is that they only see the outter part instead of the inner part of me .(which is where the most important side they should take a look at first) .That is why I said that when guys started to notice me,I don’t feel that great at all like what I dreamt it would be ,instead I feel funny and I laughed.hahahhahaha….I thought to myself, ‘So this is how beautiful sexy ladies with the waist of 24” feels like everyday…”.It’s not even convincing.

Apparently,I am grateful that I got the chance to know how it felt like being beautiful .I’m not praising myself but I’m thankful that I’m NOT a beauty freak.I like to be moderate.I know I hv a bad habit in eating while in stress mood but I have the strength to stop myself from doing so.So yeah..

It’s not healthy being fat and it’s not beautiful being fat.Trust me,I know.It brings various good cause in being healthy.Note that I didn’t say thin,I said healthy.(being thin doesn’t mean that you’ll be safe from diabetes or heart attacks!).Go figure!

Plus,I used to have low-self esteem about my body (being fat and all). As time goes by,ppl said that I’m turning beautiful.(trust me..i would happily lie about this but this is true and it gives me the creeps sometimes just thinking about it. I’m so used to being a fat chick that when ppl praises me that way I felt so ….’different’ like awkward kinda different…).

Honestly ,I think I am over judging myself.I keep on saying the same dumb phrase when ever I saw an old photo of me (being happy that I was slightly thinner) but I always doubt myself in the end.For example,I saw a photo of me taken in 2007 and I have to say that I seem thinner but in fact at that moment in that very year,I had always thought that I was 1 big fat girl . Can you see where I’m goin’ here?haha..

I don’t need anyone to feel sorry for me and I’m not being all emo here .I just wanted to express myself.Thus,I need to get this out and let this post be a memory for me and as a reminder in the future.I must not be too hard on myself.Girls out there, don’t take things for granted.Don’t say you're not beautiful, take the initiative to improve and let the beauty blossom from within.I may speak as if I’m crazy now but believe in yourself and you’ll have the confidence to make necessary changes wisely.(I would love to elaborate on this but this will become a theses soon..hahhahah)

WOW!I have written a 3 page essay in this Microsoft word..hehe!I think I’ll stop here.

Things to write about in the next post.

1)Horoscope stuff from a book(maybe!)
2)Hello 2010~
3)How my assignment coming along?

*Bubye!*

the other day..

The other day i received a msg from my class rep.He said we hv to prepare a proposal for our term paper before the new semester starts which is on the 18th January 2010.Great!We're on holidays yet we have assignments to do.Shish!So much for breaks.

We have done it before but i think mine needs to be edited.The literature review that is.I wasn't that satisfied with it previouly because i was short of time to prepare it.It's my fault,i know.I was to be blamed and no one else because i kept on delaying to get the literature review part day after day until i rushed and i didn't my best.

Besides that i think the proposal was fine.O yea!1 more thing is that i need to decide where will my samples for the research be.Either in Kuantan or Selangor...hmmm?

If i get it done in Kuantan i might get someone to help but she might be in labour in January which is risky and if i do it in Ktn,each school has about 4-5 english teachers per school which may take more time thn it looks.Meanwhile in Selangor,no one can help me but just me on my own BUT 1 school can reach up to 24 English teachers.So i need at least 4 to 5 schools if i do the research in Selangor....

Ok2~maybe ur getting puzzled.In my research i need at least 200 samples meaning 200 English teachers so that my research is valid.That is the minimum number,i might need 250 because maybe 1-10 from the questionnaires i'm giving them will return to me as outliers.You see..

Well,this is 1 thing i need to worry about.The other thing i need to worry on is that i need to get this topic of my research approved!If not,i have to change the topic and re-do my proposal!Sigh!(which i don't intend to do ....it's really sick if you hv to re-do ur proposal)

It's ok...everything will be ok Reena!Trust HIM!!

There will always be a reason to anything that happens.Be it good or bad!Put your head up high and never give up!

chnges!

I can feel that changes are taking it's path way through me.The day b4 i went out with Mas n Izan for the first time since Dec 2008.It has almost been a year.I'm still putting in the distance as i don't want to get my feelings hurt again.Call me selfish but i just can't take the pain again.I'm just glad tht we're good again.

~~~~~

It's December and my best friend can't afford to go for a trip to Genting.I wanted to go for so long and nvr get the chance.I know you'll be reading this..sooner or later dear friend .I need you to re-read the msg i replied to you ..the one we were talking about the trip in FB inbox.Actually,I meant it the other way.I was saying tht in a sarcastic way.Maybe it's holidays and I had a very tough semester just recently.I just wanted to go somewhere and really do something for this so called 4-5 weeks of holidays with u.

I guess it will nvr happen,thought of it for so long and it's never gonna happen.

I'm sorry.I know i'm being selfish!I know you hv your priorities and i must and should understand tht.It's just tht I wanted to go there for so long tht i feel so...sad!sigh!

I feel like crying over this small matter.Great!I am such a softie!!!O..how i wish i'm working right now!

*(wiping the tears of the face)*

Maybe i wanted it so much that i feel so depressed not having the chance to go.Xpe la..nnti ade la tu...don't cry!~(calming down)

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Get a grip on yourself,Reena!!It's just a place.It's not going anywhere!Maybe the chance of going there will come later.*sigh*

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Anyways,i changed the background for my blog..hehe...isn't it cute?Penguins from Madagascar cartoon.At least i'll get abit cheered up everytime i come into my blog.Usually i get all emo-ed when i re-read this blog..haha..well,sorta...

You know what?Sometimes i keep on thinking to make this blog private.As in really private, meaning only me can read it.It's just mostly on my feelings actually, so there's nothing really important that you guys should pay much attention on right?Cause i can feel tht there's no privacy-sure ppl would say,''It's not called blogs for no apparent reason,ppl read your blog to know stuff''...

That is also right but i just think that i spilled too much stuff thn i should so i'm thinking to make it really 'private'...

Well, i'll put a thought to that.

Give me comments as well..should i put it into private mode?

funny people

hehe...

i'm not really talkin' on funny people but instead it's actually a movie by Adam Sandler.

This movie to me is really heavy!It's a full package cause it has so much real life situation tht occurred in it.In this movie,Adam Sandler is a comedian who has limited time to live as to he suffers from a disease like Leukimia..He tried his best to live his life the best he could knowing tht it's his last.Then, he met up with a guy named Ira (pronounce as Ai ra).Somehow George (Adam Sandler) learnt something from Ira and became good friends.

From what i've told you it may seem simple but if you watched it,trust me it is heavy and you learn alot on how to appreciate life.The things you would feel the appreciation vibe goin' on is when George came to know tht he has a disease-when he finds out tht it's gonna be a false alarm-when he realised tht he did lots of mistakes with his ex-about when being self-centred is not gonna take you anywhere and so much more.

It does gave me an eye opener for a second there.I just hv this 1 question tho'...Is this movie a real story on Adam Sandler?....like ..did he ever suffered or is sufferring from a disease?

and what's with the vid on the phone call pranks he made which was shown earlier in the movie?and most of the movies in this movie are from his previous acts..is he trying to tell something there or he just included it all just to make it real...?(i mean the sad part real..)That is where i don't get this movie....This movie made my curiousity grew bigger and bigger as it reaches the end ot it!

Well,it is a good movie...appreciation wise of course!

Exams over!!

Done with this sem once and for all.The next coming sem will be alot harder thn this one but who gives a shit!!Bring it on!!!!

hahahhahaha....Excuse the words of excitement..hehe!

Well, i've decided to forget D.I think it's not meant to be i guess but in future if it happens thn it'll happen but for now i've decided not to bother,touch or talk about him .I'll just surface talk if he comes into the topic.Get it?Surface?ok....

Going home tmrw.Parents are coming to fetch me.Currently they are in Kepong heading to my aunt's home in Shah Alam and will only meet me tmrw.

Just now i had 2 papers.The 1st paper was Teaching of Reading.I didn't expect it would be that easy.Seriously i expect something harder.I can simply do all the question single handed.haha...
Not to go aroung and boast about it but thn I 'm very grateful i manage to do it.Syukur!

Thn the 2nd paper was just the same.It was alright as well.Not tht hard or even too easy but i manage to asnwer all.

hahahah..i feel blur because all through out this sem was a very tiring and busy moments and now...when there are nothing to do i feel blur!hahha....

O yea!i gotta get ready for practicum soon.Gotta write at least 30 Lesson plans.Shish!Well, at least i'll have something to do during the break.No wasting time and all.Plus , i can edit my proposal so tht my soon-to-be supervisor for my term paper will approve it at the 1st glance.I sure hope i won't change my topic.I am so hoping to carry out hits research on that topic.

Phew!i still can't believe i'm gonna be a teacher.kakakka.....Funny isn't it?


HOME here i come!

feeling much better..

I went chatting with K.lina just last few hours.Talked to her about D.I didn't find any solution from that chat but she made me feel good again.No heartache anymore.Eventho' D ignores me..i think he has his probs tht maybe he can't tell me.I said 'oit' to him just now in the FB chat box.He replied .Well,sort of.I told him that if he don't feel like it or not in the mood,i told him not to ignore but tell me.I said,' sakit ati tau x?'...

and

he replied ,'xnk chat'...

i just sighed!and replied to him...'kan sng..adeh!'....(pretending tht everything was alright!)

well,Emak and K.lina are by my side when i was having heartache.They said it will be hard cos D always ignore what ppl feel and think.Instead ,it's like he is in his own world.

errr...Should i?Should i forget him?

K.lina told me not to get myself so into it til i get myself sick or something.To be honest i had starved myself b4 just because D ignored me the 1st time.I cried for him when he has no single idea tht i was sad because of him.I know he didn't asked me too but thn...I was...can't control it!

Patience has it's limit.How far can i go,u ask?I don't know.Really..i don't know.

For now,let him be.I won't bother you now D.Perhaps,i hope u ignore me much longer so tht i can forget you.Perhaps!

13th is the last!

NOw is finals for me!

Done with the 1st four papers and the last 2 papers will be on the 13th Nov 2009.

I can't wait to get this semester done and gone .The 1st 4 papers were all and almost all were last minutes reading.The 1st 2 papers were not as what i thought it would be.Maybe i put too much expectation to it so i felt abit down when i can't do the paper.I answered all the questions but the way i answered it?Don't ask pls!phew!

Well,it's done!The 3rd paper was on ESP.It was fine not that disappointed on it.hehe...Just this morning as on Testing and Evaluation.I took the whole 3 hours to finish that paper.hahah....

It consists of calculations on statistics and i took more time on it this morning because i wrote the frequency of the number wrongly ...It was suppose to come in as 1 time but i put the frequency for tht number twice..

For exmple:x-98 f-2

Intead of writing [f] as 1 i wrote it as 2 and it took me 3 times to check before i realise that the frequency was the problem.It's finals but we sorta check the numbers..hahaha...

Don't get me?Well,let it be between me and my group members thn...kakakkakaka!=P

I'm just grateful that i can do the paper.It's not like i skipped any question or left any blanks right?huhu...Now,i hv 5 days before the last 2 papers.Hopefully ,it will be ok!i think it will!hehe!

I may not know what lies ahead but i am fully equiped to undergo it!As i have GOD right with me!

i don't know what to say!It hurts!

I think i'm overexaggerating about this but i just hate it when ppl ignores me!I just don't understand what is D thinking in his mind.

It started with a simple chat and if you are not in the mood can't you just tell me about it?Can't you say something and not ignore me?I feel so stupid sometimes.I feel like i'm pathetic because everytime you ignore me, i just put the embarrassment behind me (tebalkn muka) just to say hi to you even after you hv ignored me for so many times.TO THE FACT THAT I like you.....pls!
Don't do this to me..I'm trying so hard to make you like me.If you don't want this to happen thn tell me that you don't want it to happen.Don't ignore me and think that it will go away!The fact that i like you won't change unless you tell me that you don't like me liking you.

I 'm not asking you for a relationship yet.I loved too but i know your situation and i don't want to push you but can't we talk like ordinary ppl.Why ignore?You want to push me away?IS that it?

You don't hv to do that.I know it will hurt me but it's better for you to tell me if you think we are not going anywhere with this.It's better to tell me thn making me wait and hope for you.

I get hurt when i miss you.I get hurt when you ignore me.I get hurt when you turn your back on me.

I don't get hurt if you talk rough at me because i know it's how you say things.I won't get hurt if you say it out if you care.I like it because from there i know you care.

*SIGH*

I just don't know what to say.Disappointment after disappointment i continue to like you.It's hard and tiring but ....*speechless*

Should i put a stop to this?I feel like i'm fooling myself.I think of him so much this time around.Emak told me that if it's to hard on you thn let it go!Don't torture yourself.You still have things to achieve and maybe it's not the right time for you yet.

I think what Emak said to me is right too.It's hard to tell whether D really likes me or not.

I think i'm just a friend to him and not more thn that.I shouldn't put anything on it.I must not think this will go anywhere.

Well,it's just what i assume~still in dilemma!I need someone to talk too!I need to cry and let this out!It hurts!I don't like this!

*sad*...I think i am exaggerrating!WEll,who cares right?No one cares....

Raye aji story!

I rmbmr i promised a story on Raye aji which was just recently rite?So here goes.

Raye aji was on the 28th Nov this year.It was right before my finals.How great is tht,huh?I went home to celebrate it of course as usual.Planned an outing where i asked Ajoe to follow and as usual,his reason for not coming is money!I was pissed at tht instand!

No comments on that yet.So i thought he wasn't coming until k.ct persuade him to come .Maybe k.ct told him tht the gas n all was on her ,he only needed to come along.We were supposed to go to Gambang Waterpark which was just officially opened about a month back but we didn't because we were told tht on that public holiday the waterpark was closed.I told Aida (her friend works there) tht who the heck owns that place.THey should have opened it because it's a public holiday for GOD sake!Ppl are on holidays and would love to go for family outing there.

Aida could only smiled back to me and said 'ntah la kak!'....

...to cut it short we decided to go to Balok beach.We went there after the morning ceremony straight after.We played some soccer ball (which Nal asked Rafie to bring along),mandi laut,play flying mud...hehhe...,erR....took pics as usual and went off at 3pm i guess..The pics are in FB under Hari RAYE Qurban.

We went to k.ct's house in KTn to bath and clean ourselves.The guys didn't i guess cos they changed right after when we were at the beach.Girls needed bathrooms and so there were none there.We had to retreat to k.ct's home instead.

The ones that went were ME,k.lina,Ira,izie,rafie,azgar,nal,k.ct,ajoe.iwan,arrifin,akhbar...

We had lots of fun,no doubt bout that.Later tht day,we went to eat to some restaurant n the service suck big time.Wat sakit ati je kalo cte,so xyah la...huhu...Just don't want to go to tht restaurant anymore!

After the meal ,we went to Benteng or Esplanet to take more pics and after tht we parted!I think tht was all of it that we did for tht outing.It was alright i guess,i forgot about my finals for awhile at tht time.Gotta admit that it does work!hahahha...

Finals!

This semester is almost to it's end now!I can't wait for it to end!I can't really concentrate on my reading now as i'm just not in the mood to read ,study and memorise it all!I know i hv lots to stuff into my brain now but i just can't....I just finished my 1st paper this afternoon and i'm sorta dissappointed with it!I can't answer some of it tht's y!*sigh*Well,it's ok ...at least i'm done with 1 paper.

That was on Teaching of Writing Skills and tmrw morning will be my Research Methodology paper which i hope i can do.We're not really sure of what is coming out but we only depend on the tips that my lect gave us (which is not finalised,which means he don't know what exactly is coming out because it's not him who sets the paper...Shish!)....but thn he said it's ok ...cos if u can cover that tips tht he gave thn we will be fine....(i hope so!)

Well,i better get going now!

O!O!i just went tru my previous post which was in August!Come to think of it,i don't think that my blog post are that bad after all,huh?hehehhe....(praising ownself!)~tee hee!!

OK...c ya!Wish me LUCK!(i need all the luck i can get for tmrw's paper....)

p/s:I think i owe a story on Raya Haji...i'll talk on it later k...promise!

<3

"I'm sorry if I've hurt your heart with what i hv said to you at tht time''~(^__^)...
29th Nov 2009:11.02am

He cares for me!

I can't stop smiling til today when ever i rmmbr this phrase!